Let’s Get Real

June 19, 2019

Honesty doesn’t always pay but dishonesty always costs

What is it about not being honest with ourselves or with others that people think they can hid and get away with? I tried to lie as a kid when I thought I would get punished, but I always got caught. Some how I never was able to get away with lying.

 

 

But what I’m talking about is not being real with ourselves. Being brutally honest with what works or what’s not working in our lives and making a change. I can remember staying in a relationship longer than I wanted to because I did’t want to hurt the other person. I compromised by values and rationalized (which I refer to as rational lies) to myself. Gosh, it was such an awful feeling that effected my health. I had headaches all the time!

Honest is the best policy. At the end of the day, being truthful and getting something off your chest to reveal what is in your heart and mind is so liberating. As a coach, I see this pattern so often. You get stressed and feel anxiety because you don’t want to change, even if you’re unhappy. You would rather numb the pain, hide the pain, shove it under the rug, stuff it, avoid it, lie about it, minimize it, blame others or anything to not having to deal with it. There is always a price to pay.

Let’s face it, it can be uncomfortable to reveal what you’ve been trying to hide. We are as sick as our secrets. So let the truth set you free, and get real like Pinocchio.

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Weathering the Storms In Life

June 12, 2019

A good seaman weathers the storms he can not avoid, and avoids the storms he can not weather. Perhaps the key is to identify the difference.

I recently attended a funeral of a man who literally drank himself to death. He was an alcoholic in the depths of his addiction. It truly is a disease. It was a man I did not know well, but was there to support a friend who was involved with him. Some of his siblings spoke about him which revealed a man in his younger years was an extremely gifted and talented sailor, surfer, athlete and dancer. He went to Julliard for ballet!  So what happened?  When does a life start to take a turn and head into stormy waters? How can you navigate out of it? Why didn’t he get help? What was it that he was avoiding? So many questions, but no answers.

It was as if his life was battling a constant storm that he couldn’t get out of.

You might be going through some storms of your own or have gone through some turbulent times. We all go through tough times in life. With support and guidance you can get through them and even avoid some of them. You always need a good skipper on hand to help you see things you can’t as you are steering your way through life! So, if your going through a storm in your life, ask for help, pray, meditate on it and know anything is possible to get through with faith and courage.

 


Give A Hand Give A Life

June 5, 2019

“Alone we can do so little, but together we can do so much.”

                                                                     Helen Keller

Last August, I got a call from my ex-husband. We communicate once in awhile, usually over something having to do with our grown kids. We have been divorced for over 25 years. It was a friendly parting. In other words we split on good terms. Well, he called me because he needed some help. He was going through some tough financial times and asked if I had any work that he could do in exchange for living quarters for a few months.

Being a master carpenter that he is, I did need a new front porch deck since the old one was rotting. So, I agreed. Now it is June and the deck is finally finished. He did an amazing job.

Why I am posting this is because, we all go through some tough times and need a little help from our friends at times. I’m not suggesting that you invite someone into your home who is abusive or harmful, but we can offer a helping hand to those in need. It goes a long way. I was able to find him some work through a mutual friend and now he is able to get back on his feet.

Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t easy for me to share my space with him all the time. Sometimes it was damn hard! But I opened my heart to someone in need and I’m so happy I did. If you want more compassion in the world today, you must be the change you want to see. It isn’t always convenient but it is a practice. Where can you open your heart to help someone? We can do so much with a little help from our friends.


Risk Being Alive!

May 30, 2019

“Life should be a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

Helen Keller

I love watching movies. Old movies that is. I am fascinated with movies that were made in the 40’s and 50’s. I find that most of them were done so well. The script, acting, cinematography, and production were first class. I do like some of the movies made today but I don’t go out of my way to watch them, so when I’m on a plane, I get a chance to catch up on the new releases. On my way home from Australia last month, I got caught up. One of the movies I watched was a National Geographic Movie, Free Solo.  OMG, it was amazing. It made me think of what it means to be alive.  To live your life like you were on the edge of life or death, literally.

It made me think of what the meaning of life really is and what is it that holds us back from living it full out. I mean, I don’t have the calling to scale mountains like Alex Honnold, but I do know my purpose and have a desire to reach more people through coaching because I love my work and I know it works. It made me think of what I need to do to become better, more focused and give it my all.

If you have a desire inside you, really ask yourself, what are you willing to do, to give up and practice to become your best? To live fully and be alive! Go for it. Reach inside of yourself for the answers. Stir up that juice that is calling you to something greater. Go watch the movie, maybe it will inspire you as it did me. You have greatness in you. What is calling you? Go for it! Seek it and you shall find! Risk Being Alive!

 

 


Don’t Leave Me Out!

May 22, 2019

 

Are your thoughts and words supporting you and creating a beautiful vision for your future or sabotaging you and keeping you a victim of your past? Words change worlds and make the invisible, visible.

As humans, our need to connect and feel like we belong is more important than anything else. When we don’t feel like we belong, we don’t feel safe, when we don’t feel safe, there is no trust, and when there is no trust, we protect ourselves and shut down.

When we shut down, there is no room for growth, the ability to learn or create. It feels like a pit in your stomach, like an unspoken entity that wants to be heard but you’re too afraid or don’t know how to talk about it.  Our emotions go into overdrive, fear sets in and our nervous system triggers the fight, flight or freeze responds. You’re in pure survival mode. Our amygdala gets hijacked and our brains are up-regulating stress hormones which compromises our immune system, causing dis-ease.

As opposed to when we feel safe, there is a feeling of openness and trust. The energy is completely different. There is a coherence between the heart and the brain which allows for cooperation, sharing, compassion and growth. We are able to navigate the uncertainties of life with faith and courage. When we feel safe and connected, we are building, expanding, developing, celebrating and creating possibilities that we didn’t see before. We fall in love with life!  The hormone oxytocin, the love hormone is oozing from our hearts.  Trust is generated by our pre-frontal cortex or the executive brain. The ladder is generated by our primitive brain, or the limbic brain. This is the shift we need to make so we can evolve from the survival mind-set to the creative mind-set.

Our words and the energy behind them can make someone feel included or excluded.

So, the question now is how do we transform a conversation so we can communicate on a higher level to open up the connections with ourselves and others.

It’s by making the invisible, visible. We must become aware of the feelings that are being triggered inside of us and the chemical cocktails we are either up regulating or down regulating within our bodies through the language of conversations.


Fill In the Blanks

May 14, 2019

Texting has become a great way of communicating. However if there is a gap between the exchange it can also leave you feeling insecure. When this happens, you might fill in the blanks with made up stories. We have gotten so used to instant responses in everything we do. If it takes a second too long we are scrolling, deleting or on to something else.

We can google anything and get the answer immediately. So, when it comes to texting as a way of communicating there might be some blanks that keep you guessing. What does this actually mean? What is she trying to say? Or, if you don’t get an answer back right away, your brain might start to make up a story that their mad at you, and the last text she send sounded cold or any number of things that your emotional brain can stir up.

Relationships are all about having open and honest communication. If your filling in the gaps, than it is best to talk in person to clarify the misunderstanding. Texting is a great way to feel connected but it can also be a double edge sword.

Communication is the key to any great relationship. Make sure your words are texting that!

 


I Flopped

May 8, 2019

Did you ever try something and just flop? I was asked to be one of the  speakers for a start-up TV internet show, which I’ve done before. I mean, this was not my first rodeo. I’ve spoken many times before, but this time, I just flopped. I could blame it on the stage, the distractions that were numerous or any number of other things, however the bottom line is a screwed up. I had my talk memorized, I practiced over and over and over again. I recorded myself, I read it out load so many times I can’t even count. I wrote it on index cards, nothing helped. And it wasn’t even like I got nervous, it was just this weird brain freeze that occurred. So, I just improvised. Everyone in the audience said it was great, but I know what my good is and it was far from that. But you know what? I was okay with flopping. I didn’t beat myself up over it.

In the past, I would have been so hard on myself, but now, I strike it up to experience. I get back up and go do it again. Sometimes we get knocked down. Sometimes we fail, sometimes we make mistakes and some times we don’t make the grade.

I ask myself what did I learn from this experience and how can I improve?

Nothing helpful will come from beating yourself up over a failure. It is all about failing forward. failure is part of success. If you haven’t failed most likely you won’t succeed. So the next time you flop, brushed yourself, congratulate yourself for even trying and onward and upward.

 

 


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