June 26, 2019
Intimacy is a word that people think of when it comes to sex and getting physically close with someone. However, intimacy has more to do with connecting on a level where you are able to trust, share, be open to exposing your feelings on a very deep level. It is about being vulnerable and feeling secure enough to communicate your truth. You even become intimate with yourself! To love yourself enough that your thoughts and feelings are okay, what ever they are.
If you weren’t able to express your feelings as a child, most likely you learned to hide them, avoid them, suppress them, dumb them and find other ways to not let people see your true self. You don’t even want to see your true self. If you’ve been hurt physically or mentally it changes who you think you are. You develop an armor shield to protect yourself.
But you will always have that insecurity and shame around you. It will follow you and keep you a prisoner in your own body. You might think you’re protected but you’re exposed. Who you really are speaks louder than your words. This is were help is so important. We can’t see our blind spots. You can get naked in bed but until you take off your armor you’re not connecting . Getting intimate is one of the most liberating feelings. So, isn’t it time you come out to play and in to me see?
June 19, 2019
Honesty doesn’t always pay but dishonesty always costs
What is it about not being honest with ourselves or with others that people think they can hid and get away with? I tried to lie as a kid when I thought I would get punished, but I always got caught. Some how I never was able to get away with lying.
But what I’m talking about is not being real with ourselves. Being brutally honest with what works or what’s not working in our lives and making a change. I can remember staying in a relationship longer than I wanted to because I did’t want to hurt the other person. I compromised by values and rationalized (which I refer to as rational lies) to myself. Gosh, it was such an awful feeling that effected my health. I had headaches all the time!
Honest is the best policy. At the end of the day, being truthful and getting something off your chest to reveal what is in your heart and mind is so liberating. As a coach, I see this pattern so often. You get stressed and feel anxiety because you don’t want to change, even if you’re unhappy. You would rather numb the pain, hide the pain, shove it under the rug, stuff it, avoid it, lie about it, minimize it, blame others or anything to not having to deal with it. There is always a price to pay.
Let’s face it, it can be uncomfortable to reveal what you’ve been trying to hide. We are as sick as our secrets. So let the truth set you free, and get real like Pinocchio.
June 12, 2019
A good seaman weathers the storms he can not avoid, and avoids the storms he can not weather. Perhaps the key is to identify the difference.
I recently attended a funeral of a man who literally drank himself to death. He was an alcoholic in the depths of his addiction. It truly is a disease. It was a man I did not know well, but was there to support a friend who was involved with him. Some of his siblings spoke about him which revealed a man in his younger years was an extremely gifted and talented sailor, surfer, athlete and dancer. He went to Julliard for ballet! So what happened? When does a life start to take a turn and head into stormy waters? How can you navigate out of it? Why didn’t he get help? What was it that he was avoiding? So many questions, but no answers.
It was as if his life was battling a constant storm that he couldn’t get out of.
You might be going through some storms of your own or have gone through some turbulent times. We all go through tough times in life. With support and guidance you can get through them and even avoid some of them. You always need a good skipper on hand to help you see things you can’t as you are steering your way through life! So, if your going through a storm in your life, ask for help, pray, meditate on it and know anything is possible to get through with faith and courage.
June 5, 2019
“Alone we can do so little, but together we can do so much.”
Last August, I got a call from my ex-husband. We communicate once in awhile, usually over something having to do with our grown kids. We have been divorced for over 25 years. It was a friendly parting. In other words we split on good terms. Well, he called me because he needed some help. He was going through some tough financial times and asked if I had any work that he could do in exchange for living quarters for a few months.
Being a master carpenter that he is, I did need a new front porch deck since the old one was rotting. So, I agreed. Now it is June and the deck is finally finished. He did an amazing job.
Why I am posting this is because, we all go through some tough times and need a little help from our friends at times. I’m not suggesting that you invite someone into your home who is abusive or harmful, but we can offer a helping hand to those in need. It goes a long way. I was able to find him some work through a mutual friend and now he is able to get back on his feet.
Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t easy for me to share my space with him all the time. Sometimes it was damn hard! But I opened my heart to someone in need and I’m so happy I did. If you want more compassion in the world today, you must be the change you want to see. It isn’t always convenient but it is a practice. Where can you open your heart to help someone? We can do so much with a little help from our friends.