June 26, 2019
Intimacy is a word that people think of when it comes to sex and getting physically close with someone. However, intimacy has more to do with connecting on a level where you are able to trust, share, be open to exposing your feelings on a very deep level. It is about being vulnerable and feeling secure enough to communicate your truth. You even become intimate with yourself! To love yourself enough that your thoughts and feelings are okay, what ever they are.
If you weren’t able to express your feelings as a child, most likely you learned to hide them, avoid them, suppress them, dumb them and find other ways to not let people see your true self. You don’t even want to see your true self. If you’ve been hurt physically or mentally it changes who you think you are. You develop an armor shield to protect yourself.
But you will always have that insecurity and shame around you. It will follow you and keep you a prisoner in your own body. You might think you’re protected but you’re exposed. Who you really are speaks louder than your words. This is were help is so important. We can’t see our blind spots. You can get naked in bed but until you take off your armor you’re not connecting . Getting intimate is one of the most liberating feelings. So, isn’t it time you come out to play and in to me see?
June 19, 2019
Honesty doesn’t always pay but dishonesty always costs
What is it about not being honest with ourselves or with others that people think they can hid and get away with? I tried to lie as a kid when I thought I would get punished, but I always got caught. Some how I never was able to get away with lying.
But what I’m talking about is not being real with ourselves. Being brutally honest with what works or what’s not working in our lives and making a change. I can remember staying in a relationship longer than I wanted to because I did’t want to hurt the other person. I compromised by values and rationalized (which I refer to as rational lies) to myself. Gosh, it was such an awful feeling that effected my health. I had headaches all the time!
Honest is the best policy. At the end of the day, being truthful and getting something off your chest to reveal what is in your heart and mind is so liberating. As a coach, I see this pattern so often. You get stressed and feel anxiety because you don’t want to change, even if you’re unhappy. You would rather numb the pain, hide the pain, shove it under the rug, stuff it, avoid it, lie about it, minimize it, blame others or anything to not having to deal with it. There is always a price to pay.
Let’s face it, it can be uncomfortable to reveal what you’ve been trying to hide. We are as sick as our secrets. So let the truth set you free, and get real like Pinocchio.