Change Is Coming

October 3, 2019

 

“Mother Earth is giving birth to a co-creative humanity. There’s not a majority anywhere, because old leadership does not have the authority to guide us.”

Barbara Marx Hubbard

I don’t believe anyone is not feeling some sort of struggle, pain, change, conflict or suffering in their lives or someone close to them. The world is going through a massive evolutionary time.

When you are against someone or thing there is no room for growth, collaboration, co-creation or advancement. You stay stuck in a mind set that is destructive rather than constructive. This pulls things apart rather than brings things together. There is a sense of separation, difference or competition. There can be no winners, everyone losses in this arena. This has been the model of health care, politics, business and relationships that has dominate our world for a millennium but is now collapsing. We can no longer sustain a world this is only concerned with oneself. This is an “I”-Centric focused way of being. The culture of a home, business, organization and world is literally dying because of this way of being.

When we become conscious of the fact that everything is connected and what we do to others, we do to ourselves, we can then begin to embrace a “WE”-Centric way of being.  I mean, even if you look at the word, WE it is full of I’s.

Being kinder, compassionate, understanding and creative is all about sharing and staying open to our differences. Diversity is essential for business growth and expansion. Different points of views and ways of looking at things is a must for the creative process.

Learning how to communicate in a way that unites is the key to creating a culture of cooperation. We are social being. We need each other to survive. Everything you say, think, do and feel effects everything else whether you can visibly see the impact or not. There is an evolution happening. You can choose to do this through revolution or through finding a peaceful solution. We can thrive if we choose to co-create together.

 

 

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Let’s Get Real

June 19, 2019

Honesty doesn’t always pay but dishonesty always costs

What is it about not being honest with ourselves or with others that people think they can hid and get away with? I tried to lie as a kid when I thought I would get punished, but I always got caught. Some how I never was able to get away with lying.

 

 

But what I’m talking about is not being real with ourselves. Being brutally honest with what works or what’s not working in our lives and making a change. I can remember staying in a relationship longer than I wanted to because I did’t want to hurt the other person. I compromised by values and rationalized (which I refer to as rational lies) to myself. Gosh, it was such an awful feeling that effected my health. I had headaches all the time!

Honest is the best policy. At the end of the day, being truthful and getting something off your chest to reveal what is in your heart and mind is so liberating. As a coach, I see this pattern so often. You get stressed and feel anxiety because you don’t want to change, even if you’re unhappy. You would rather numb the pain, hide the pain, shove it under the rug, stuff it, avoid it, lie about it, minimize it, blame others or anything to not having to deal with it. There is always a price to pay.

Let’s face it, it can be uncomfortable to reveal what you’ve been trying to hide. We are as sick as our secrets. So let the truth set you free, and get real like Pinocchio.


Fill In the Blanks

May 14, 2019

Texting has become a great way of communicating. However if there is a gap between the exchange it can also leave you feeling insecure. When this happens, you might fill in the blanks with made up stories. We have gotten so used to instant responses in everything we do. If it takes a second too long we are scrolling, deleting or on to something else.

We can google anything and get the answer immediately. So, when it comes to texting as a way of communicating there might be some blanks that keep you guessing. What does this actually mean? What is she trying to say? Or, if you don’t get an answer back right away, your brain might start to make up a story that their mad at you, and the last text she send sounded cold or any number of things that your emotional brain can stir up.

Relationships are all about having open and honest communication. If your filling in the gaps, than it is best to talk in person to clarify the misunderstanding. Texting is a great way to feel connected but it can also be a double edge sword.

Communication is the key to any great relationship. Make sure your words are texting that!

 


I’d Like to Get to Know You

February 27, 2019

“To get to the next level of greatness depends on the quality of the culture, which depends on the quality of relationships, which depends on the quality of conversations. Everything happens through conversations.”

 Judith E. Glaser

Why is it that negative conversations and comments stay with us so much longer than a positive one? If we are in a fight or argument with our co-worker, boss, spouse, friend, or relative, we tend to hold on to those emotions much longer than when we are getting along and cooperating.

Well it has to do with how we are wired. Our brains release hormones and neuro-peptides such as adrenaline and cortisol when we are stressed, angry or feeling bad. These chemicals last for 26 hours or more in our blood stream.

When we are happy and feeling good, we release the chemical oxytocin. This is the love hormone, or what is called the tend and befriend hormone.

Unfortunately, oxytocin does not stay in our bodies very long, so it must be replenished often. The good news is that when we become aware of this, we can change the way we communicate with others to down regulate the stress hormones and up regulate the feel-good ones.

One of the best ways to do this is by looking into the eyes of the person you are talking to.

Being mindful of how our behaviors affect others is key to building trust and transforming a conversation from negative and stress producing one to a positive and cooperative one.

The bottom line is this, a defining question for your company is: What is the quality of the emotional relationships here?

By learning a few tools, strategies, and techniques you can change the dynamics of the environment where everyone feels good. And when everyone feels the love, productivity goes way up too.

Understanding the Neuroscience of Conversations and applying this wisdom inside companies transforms individuals, teams, and organizations and opens new pathways for mutual success.

Are you ready to transform your company?

 


Lift Your Attitude

September 6, 2018

I’ve come to realize that my attitude will dictate every result I get in my life. I’m sure you heard this message too growing up.  Things like; if you had better attitude, you could get better grades in school, or, with an attitude like that you can go to your room, right?  The only thing is no one ever told us how to get a better attitude. What is attitude anyway?  Well the dictionary describes it as;

1-A position of the body or manner of carrying oneself, indicative of mood or condition.

2-A state of mind or feeling about some matter.

3-A way of behaving; disposition.

In other words, my thoughts, feelings, and actions must all be aligned in a positive way, for me to be perceived and received as authentic. When this happens, I will radiate with confidence.

To do this, I have to be willing and able to honestly look at the results I am presently getting in my life. I know that at the center of my being is love, truth and a life that is connected to a higher intelligence. I also know I have gotten mixed messages about myself and the world as I was growing up.  These negative messages have formed my behaviors and beliefs.  Even though they didn’t feel good, I grew up not realizing how these limiting beliefs affected my attitude and everything in my life.

Now I know that I can change my perception about those beliefs. I choose to align with my higher self and develop an attitude of gratitude. Once I begin to make that shift, my whole world will reflect these results back to me, as a mirror reflects an image. Choosing to take responsibility for your attitude will improve the quality of your relationships which will bring unimaginable abundance into your life. Learn how you can tap into your truth and form a positive attitude.


Get Out Of The Way

August 9, 2018

If we open a quarrel between past and present, we shall find that we have lost our future.

Winston Churchill

The one person that is standing in your way of living your best life is YOU!

I can remember my self-sabotaging behaviors when I was younger. Boy if I only knew then what I know now. I was getting in my own way of success but didn’t see it. It’s not easy to see your blind spots. Until I started working with a coach I was continually shooting myself in the foot and blaming someone or something else for my setbacks.

Taking responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and actions requires disciple. To take an honest look at what I’ve been doing or not doing also takes courage.

What I’ve learned was to stop over analyzing. I must get in the zone and just be and do. I had to visualize myself as the person I wanted to be and then act the part. The minute the monkey mind started coming in my head, I was cooked.

The results are sneaky but can start to show up causing dis-ease, bad relationships, lack of money, loss of a job or any other place.

It takes continued focus and practice to learn how to stop the monkey mind from taking over.  That is why a coach is essential in helping you.

So, if you’re having a quarrel between your past and present, you too have lost your future. And without a future you’re not going anywhere.


Living a Life of Balance: Dean’s Story of Overcoming Addiction

October 19, 2017

Hello reader,

Here is a story from a contributing blogger. Their information is at the bottom if you wanted to learn more.

 

“The light within is a quiet source of truth and guidance. The key is to be still and know. If I am quiet for just a moment and listen and wait, the inner wisdom reveals the next indicated step.” – Robert, Addiction Survivor

Addiction is one of the greatest struggles someone could ever face. Not only does it wreak havoc on our bodies, but it turns our own minds against us by fooling us into thinking we can’t survive without the very substances that are destroying us. The silver lining is that there is always help available to those who are lost in their addictions, but there’s a catch: you must want to get better in order to heal.

 

Dean’s inspiring story demonstrates just how important this mindset is — and proves that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long the journey there may be.

 

***

 

After moving from one end of the world to another when he was only seven, Dean did whatever he could not to feel like an outsider. Unfortunately, this often led him to make some destructive decisions.

 

“I was always trying to find a way to fit in,” he remembered. “Around the time I was 12 or 13, I started drinking alcohol and smoking weed. I spent years of my life as a pothead.”

 

He was hit hard when his parents decided to get divorced, and he started using even more dangerous drugs in order to cope.

 

“My friends started taking Roxycontin, Oxycontin,” he said. “I remember the very first time that I tried it. I wish I could go back to that first day and tell myself what was going to happen to me if I took that pill. I had no prior knowledge about opiates and didn’t realize how addictive they were. I became addicted really quickly.”

 

After six months, though, Dean realized he was on a dangerous path, and he sought treatment. Unfortunately, he didn’t yet have the mindset he needed in order to face his addiction issues.

 

He admitted, “At that time, I really didn’t believe I was an addict. I relapsed pretty quickly after that experience.”

 

He reached out for help again and re-entered treatment with a fresh perspective — but even that didn’t last.

 

“My second time in rehab was a three-month inpatient rehab. It was really intense. I had almost two years of sobriety after that: I was following the steps and had a sponsor — but I didn’t follow through.”

 

When he hit another difficult period, his addicted brain once again took over the part of his mind that knew he needed to take better care of himself.

 

“Around 12 months into my sobriety, my parents were going through another divorce,” he said. “Around my 18-month milestone, I stopped using the program I built for myself. I started telling myself, ‘I’m not a real addict. I can beat this.’ So, I started drinking and smoking weed again with the help of an unhealthy relationship I had with a girl. Within a few months, I was doing heroin again, too.”

 

Despite his struggles, Dean persisted — he knew he had to get help, and no matter how many times he fell, he realized he had to keep trying. He reached out to several different facilities, but his past experiences with rehab taught him that he needed something a little more unique, something that would treat his addiction with a holistic, rather than simply medical, approach.

 

That’s when he learned about adventure therapy, and found a place that offered this unique treatment and could start treating him immediately. Using a blend of individual and group therapy as well as activities like hiking and ziplining, he finally learned the skills he now knows he was missing all along.

 

“I learned balance,” he said. “I obviously had been in programs before, but at [this rehab center], I learned that a balance of my mind, body and spirit was the key to unlock my brain. I know the 12 steps and the rooms of AA and NA — I know the song and dance to acquire ‘clean time.’ But I was working 12-, 16-, 18-hour shifts — often times 14 days in a row without a day off. My mind, body and spirit were unbalanced, which pushed me into a depression, and that let me slip back into my addiction after almost having two years clean. [This facility] opened my eyes to what life can be like in balance.”

 

Dean feels that it all came down to changing his mindset.

 

“I learned that I was putting up a lot of roadblocks in my life: things like, ‘I can’t do this,’ ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘I’m not smart enough.’”

 

Now, he puts what he learned into practice every day.

 

“I stick to my balanced program: mind, body and spirit,” he explained. “I keep those three things in mind and I do what I need to do to fulfill those needs. I go to meetings, I go to the gym, I talk to other people in the program, I connect with other alumni on Facebook.”

 

If you or someone you know is struggling, don’t be afraid to get help. As Dean proved, there is no shame in falling a few times as long as you get back up each time. Sometimes, it’s as simple as having a changed mindset, a renewed perspective — and a genuine willingness to get back on the right path.

Constance Ray started Recoverywell.org with the goal of creating a safe place for people to share how addiction has affected them, whether they are combating it themselves or watching someone they care about work to overcome it. The goal is to share stories of hope from survivors who know that the fight against addiction is one worth having, because no matter how it affects you, life can get better.

Constance Ray


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